Funny Facebook status messages page #3

Funny status messages I've used on Facebook.

is wondering why in the HELL they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the black box?
is off to Pamplona for the lesser known Running Of The Penguins. Oh Lord, please keep him safe.
Dan is in the hospital after being trampled, gored and generally pecked to pieces by a herd of penguins.
is wondering why racoons don't just take off the mask and reveil themselfs. What are they hiding?
is wondering why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
is looking for a meaningful overnight relationship.
is trying to send a message via carrier penguin
is frankly, not giving a damn.
is afraid for his life as he is surrounded by Ninja Penguins.
is wondering why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
is wondering how do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
is out of his mind, but feel free to leave a message.
is thinking inside the box because too many people are thinking outside the box.
is was listening to too much Wagner. Now he's getting the urge to conquer Poland.
I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.
wrote on your wall. Now you need to repaint your wall.
is not the droid you’re looking for
is boycotting shampoo and demanding real poo
is was tagged in a picture. Dan added a comment "that’s not me". Cindy added a comment "then who is it next to the girl in the bikini?" Dan changed his relationship status to single.
is sponge worthy
is woke up in a garbage can covered with his own vomit. Why am I telling you this?
is magically delicious
is brought to you by the letters W T F
is going around telling people you're really 49
is already killed some helpless flowers for you... what else do you want?
is says, Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, It's Valentines Day, And I have a hangnail.
is sure he'd feel worse if he wasn't so heavily sedated
is the slope of the tangent line of the function f[x]=awesome.
is thinks Sarah Palin should win for best actor playing a retard, drunk or insane person.
is asking for your daughter’s paw in marriage.
is what Willis was talkin’ bout
is workin’ like a one-armed paper-hanger with an itch.
is at two with nature
is thinks the longest sentence known to man is "I Do".
is asked his Mom if he was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn’t have paid for him.
is remembers the days when "safe sex" meant "my parents are gone for the weekend".
is fired his masseuse today. She just rubbed him the wrong way
is hoping God would give him some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in his name in a Swiss bank.
feels stupid when he writes the word banana. Its like, how many na’s are on this thing? ‘Cause I’m like ‘Bana … keep going. Bananana … damn.
is wondering if crime doesn’t pay, does that mean my job is a crime? Is Facebook a crime?
just heard that Polygram Records, Warner Brothers and Keebler are merging. It will be called Poly-Warner-Cracker.
went into a clothes store and a lady came up to him and said "if you need anything, I’m Jill". He’s never met anyone with a conditional identity before.
is the limit of x as it approaches perfection.
saw a guy at a party wearing a leather jacket and he thought, ‘That is cool.’ But then he saw another guy wearing a leather vest and he thought, ‘That is not cool’. Then he figured it out: ‘Cool’ is all about leather sleeves.
is fighting the good fight.
likes fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if someone just mailed you an apple you’d be like ‘Huh? What the hell is this?’, but if it’s in a fruit basket you’re like ‘This is nice!
is having sex with his GF and thinking of your mother. Wait. he don’t got no GF, it IS your mom

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