Funny Facebook status messages page #1

Funny status messages I've used on Facebook.

is beating his chest while throwing melons off the overpass.
is juggling gosslings while riding a horse.
is playing hackey sack with a live grenade.
is helping a little old lady across the street who doesn't want to go.
is chasing a live chicken through a mine field.
is wasted and hitting on a really hot store mannequin.
is hosing off after skateboarding through a cow pasture.
is trying to figure out where the hell that smell is coming from.
is posting bail after a really wild night.
is running from villagers carrying torches and pitchforks.
is sitting in a tree prepared to pounce on the next passerby.
is jumping out a window half clothed with an angry husband in pursuit.
is about to pet the pretty black kitty with the white stripe down it's back.
is bathing in tomatoe juice.
is just trying to make it to his funeral on time.
is trying to see how many live fish he can fit in his mouth.
is in his lab yelling "It's Alive! It's Alive!".
is putting out a house fire after lighting a fart.
competing in a one man pie eating contest.
is fighting off a bunch of monkeys after trying his new coconut cologne.
is applying burn cream after walking on coals.
is taunting a tiger but doesn't see the open door.
is soaking wet and trying to figure out how that puddle was so deep when it was only chest deep to the ducks.
is trying to collect frogs in a lid-less bucket and they ain't cooperating.
is trying to get his hand outa the jar but won't let go of the peanuts.
is being 'escorted' out of the building after falling through Angelina Jolie's skylight.
is dancing around after waking up on top of a fire ant hill.
is scooping water out of the kayak almost as fast as it is leaking in.
is being dragged away cursing and ranting, by the secret service after throwing rocks and cursing at Bush's house.
is trying (ow!) to retrieve (ow!) his ring from (OW) the bottom of the piranha tank OOWW!
is yelling "But I'm innocent!!!" through the bars.
is wondering why he never tried bathing in jello before this.
is DANGEROUSLY under-medicated.
is discovering the hazards of storing plutonium in Tupperware.
wondering when they invented the word neologism, what did they call it?
is showing his colleagues your profile and they’re all laughing at your picture..
therefore he thinks.
is debating whether to take the blue pill or the red pill.
is gonna get you, and your little dog too!
is going to make hermit crabs live together.
is sorry he missed you. Stand still next time.
is distracting some girlscouts while stealing all the thin mints.
thinking at his age, "getting lucky" means finding his car in the parking lot.
wondering why he must think of himself in the third-person to change his status.
the walrus.

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